It is something that I want to do. And yet, of all the things I want to do, this I ignore. I procrastinate. I belittle its rank on the list of priorities.
I have all the time in the world right now. Time is not the issue. It’s vacuuming, because, you know, it’s been….a day since I did it last. And dust, let me tell you. There is always dust. Baking too. The flour and sugar are just calling out to be a cake or pie or bread.
When I do sit down, finally “done” with the rest of the world, I have to check Facebook and my email and Goodreads and Pinterest. Oh, and wait…I haven’t checked Facebook in, let’s see, um, eighteen minutes. Something may have happened.
This is the bitter cycle of procrastination that causes me so much regret. Regret, because another day has gone by. Regret, because I have not written. Regret (on a better day), because I have written less than I could have done.
When I really examine my behavior, my habits, the “why” of it all glares me in the face. FEAR. I’m afraid that my words are not good enough. I’m afraid, because I’m four years from grad school and I haven’t completed anything to speak of. I’m afraid that I’ll fail.
On so many days, FEAR wins.
But I will fight back. I will set daily word counts and check them off my list. On some days, I will leave the house to write. I will go where I cannot hear the taunting of my vacuum. I will go where the baked goods are fresh and the dust is not my problem.
I will tell myself each and every morning:
- Your words are good enough.
- Your education is your strength.
- Failure comes not when you use the gifts you have, but when you don’t use them.
FEAR will not win anymore.
Gage said:
thats us mrs schmidt
Jen Taylor Schmidt said:
Gage, I’m not sure I ever saw the FEAR part in you guys, but I definitely saw the procrastination. 🙂
Jen Taylor Schmidt said:
Come to think of it, I always admired the way you all seemed so FEARLESS on the page.
nolacarol said:
I’m right there with you, Jen. But my fallback is civic activism. How can the French Quarter survive without my 100% involvement in saving it???? You’ll do it, and I will to, because, well, we just will.
Jen Taylor Schmidt said:
Carol, at least your excuse of “I’m saving New Orleans” sounds a lot better than my “Anyone want a muffin?” 🙂
Ginger Johnson said:
I’d like a muffin. Hee hee.
Of course, that’s why I’m not done either. Thanks for the pep talk. I needed it, too. xo
aliciafinnnoack said:
Wow, this really hit home for me, today especially. Procrastination is the worst! I try to remind myself that revising is always easier than starting, so if I start something horrible today I can make it better tomorrow or next week or whenever. But … oh, the starting is sometimes just so crazy impossible! And I totally get it about the baking. You know, you bake something and in half an hour, you can have something yummy to eat. It doesn’t need to be revised a hundred times, it’s just yummy immediately.
Rachel Wilson said:
Go, Jen. Kick booty! Eat fear for breakfast! And give yourself permission to have a nothing day once in a while.